The outcast's haven

Mediocre, Terrible, Shallow, Worthless, A waste of my friggin 10 bucks
One and a half Stars out of Five

(Warning. This Review Contains SPOILERS. Period.)
(Warning. This Review is written by a person that has only read the plot on Wikipedia, and watched the movie. Period. )

I suppose that's not a great way to start a review of a film, is it? Unfortunately, the film Twilight abscribes to all of the above statements. Unfortunately, it tried to strike the middle ground between the hardcore fans, and the newcomers to the series, and ended up as complete roadkill. It's a true pity that the film was like that, I was fairly psyched up for it, while walking around 8 Kms to the cinema. However, after sprinting in, and barely getting in on time, I found my group of friends, cracked open my can of pepsi, and then, with my mind still buzzing, the first few scenes played out in front of me.

Let's start with a summary, before I do spoil the entire film. The acting isn't good, I'm serious, actually, not much about this film is good, only the CGI at the end of the film looks any good, seriously, it was like, OMG Kung Fu Hustle! Secondly, the cinematography was alright, I mean, well, the scenery does look quite epic, and awesomeish. However, Edward's sparkly bit (generically written to avoid spoilers) was frankly crap. I mean, lol, I think I can photoshop that. Finally, the detail put into the movie is really shallow, and for a newcomer to the series, I think that it could be seriously expanded upon. Oh yes, did I mention that the acting is crap? I mean, the entire cinema was laughing during some of the more serious parts, that's how bad it was.

(Real Spoiler Warning Now. Period.)
(Warning. This is an unflattering, negative, pissed off review. Period.)

In a gothic, and emo way to start the film, we hear the narrator talking about dying. Awesome. Secondly, on screen, you see a deer getting owned by some crazily fast blur. Also awesome. Unfortunately, this is where all the action dies, until around 30 minutes before the end of the movie, which is expected from a romance/horror film, but unfortunately, the scenes of conflict between the beginning and the epilogue aren't expanded enough to warrant more than a mere mention.

After a lengthy introduction of Bella, the stories heroine, and her new life in a sleepy American town, and a brief appearance of a Korean actor, the romantic tension begins as soon as the Cullen family walks in, or, brace yourselves, 'Vampires' !!! (OMGWTFBBQ). Anyway, for vampires, they look unusually metro, unlike my expectation of a series of Japanese Gothic Lollitas, with a taste for blood. Poor old Edward Cullen looks the most metro, actually looking like he should make an appearance for either

A) Calvin Klein

B) Queerly straight Eye, for the Straight Guy

Or

C) A Contestant on 'Make me a Supermodel'

Alright, now romantic tension builds, as soon as good ol' Bella looks at Edward. Unfortunately for her, she is informed by her friends that simply, he's out of her league. Also, she's nearly hit by a car driven by a friend, but *Shock*, she's saved by the ever reliable Edward, who runs in at a MILLION miles an hour, and stops a moving car with his BARE HANDS! Later at the hospital, the ever emo/metro Edward makes another appearance, and advises that she was hallucinating.

Now, I'll pretty much cut the crap, and say that they grow on each other, a bit, and well, Bella also tries to find out what Edward really is. Then, we have this slightly actiony scene where she's about to get raped, but lo and behold, he shows up, in a Volkswagon no less, driving like a guy from Initial D, and scaring the crap out of the potential rapists. Cool.

From this point on, the whole thing can be summarised in a few sentences. Bella finds out Edward's a vampire, and loves him anyway, Edward and Bella have a bedroom scene (Yea, a 107 year old vampire with a 17 year old girl, lol) Edward's vampire family meet a new set of vampires that desire to kill Bella. And finally, and most importantly, the Cullen family move to protect her from them.

Unfortunately, the only thing that justified my 10 bucks was the awesome fight scene, where Edward pwns another vampire. That was seriously, something friggin awesome, where they beat the living shits out of each other (Falcon... PUNCH!)

Then everything ends happily, and they go to the prom, finally the movie ends, with a small cliffhanger, as the wife of a slain vampire watches both of them dancing.

About now, I'd already finished my can of pepsi, and damn, I was pretty bored during it. Unfortunately, due to it's bad acting, and whatnot, I'd suggest waiting for a DVD release or something, it was that bad. -_-